I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
