dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
