why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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