I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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