I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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