A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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