if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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