that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize