You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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