I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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