...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
