I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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