I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
