I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
