let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
