He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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