The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
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Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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