it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
As shirtless as possible
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it đ
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Cover for me. Stopped at Chrisâ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and thereâs jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
when your dumb AF ex âaccidentallyâ venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... âsorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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