One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
