the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
