He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize