on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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