Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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