Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
