so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
