her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have aggressive nipples.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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