She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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