You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
