I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
