He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
