i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
