Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize