It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
bring money and cleavage
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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