i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
