Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
