fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
