i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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