According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
