Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
