Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
