you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
