Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
