Please, let me fuck your mom
i barfeds in our rink
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
two words: eviction party
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
