Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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