is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize