Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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