I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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