I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
