Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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