Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
