Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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