So drunk its hurt
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You made out with two different species that night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
