I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
