doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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