I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
