Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
