Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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