Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I need moral support for this bender
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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