i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
