My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So squirting runs in the family.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
