I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
