At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
my poor anus
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
