I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
