I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
