Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
