my phone needs a breathalizer
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
