Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
