I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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