TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
