I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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