"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
