apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
