Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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