Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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