I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
