i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
