omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
