I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
