You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
