no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize