just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
