I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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