i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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