My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
