I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
