the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
