Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I fill condoms, not promises.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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