apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
